Third Culture Kid Dating; adults who have spent their developmental years outside their parent's culture

When, not if

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I came across a show on TV that I didn’t think I would like: Oprah Winfrey’s Master Class. When I saw Alicia Keys talking, I stopped changing channels and thought I’d give the show a chance. I was glad I did.

It was this part in particular that I thought was really powerful. Alicia Keys describes a period in her life when she used to say ‘with my luck, I’ll never’ or ‘if it ever happens’ or ‘it probably won’t’.  When a friend turned to her and told her that if she continued using the terms ‘if’ and ‘probably won’t’, things would never turn around. How could things change if she kept saying that they wouldn’t? She realised then and there how much of an impact words can have on what you do and how you behave.

I agree with this. And it made me start thinking that I use the word ‘if’ a bit too often!  And I think it’s time I change it to when.  Even if you don’t fully believe that your dreams will come true or that you will reach your goals, changing your wording means you’re half way there. And if you keep repeating those phrases to your friends and your family then maybe, just maybe, you’ll start really believing it.

It made me think of a friend I recently saw who said “if I ever meet the right guy”. We get so tired of meeting the wrong people and of being single.  We try so hard to meet someone with whom we could consider sharing some time with.  And sometimes, for what feels like a really long time, we don’t meet anyone that is even remotely close to who we could fall in love with. So, of course, it’s normal that we can get a tad cynical and frustrated! But if we use the word ‘if’, we’ll be setting ourselves up for failure. Why not use when instead? By saying the word ‘when’, you’ll unconsciously be changing your thinking as well. You’ll start believing in success rather than a possibility for failure. Let’s change our wording. When I meet the right person.


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