Third Culture Kid Dating; adults who have spent their developmental years outside their parent's culture

Stop texting if you’re just not that into them.

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So, in the last week, I’ve met up with two of my single friends, and they both told me a very similar story.  This is the first one!

She met a cute guy online. They started messaging. As you do. Often too long than you’d like. Lasting sometimes two to three weeks of back and forth. Which, by that time, you’re thinking: come on; just ask me out on a date! This is ridiculous. We’re both into each other enough to be spending time writing cheeky, smart, and ‘I’m really fun’ messages.  Finally, he decides to take that leap of faith. He asks her out on a date. They finally meet up in person. That’s the point when you can finally decide if there’s an actual spark.  They have an awesome time. He makes her laugh. He’s charming. Confident. Attractive. She leaves the date thinking that was really fun. I would like to see him again.  They start texting each other flirtatiously.  There isn’t an insanely long time to wait between texts, often showing both are keen. But then he falls off the side of earth. For a month and a half, nothing. No text, no call, nothing. She thinks, well, ok, that’s unfortunate! But, she thinks: this is the classic ‘he’s just not that into you’.

Fine. So, she goes to all the weddings, birthday drinks, social events that she has scheduled in. She goes on a new date with another guy. She gets back to furiously sending back messages on OkCupid and Tinder. She has basically forgotten him and moved on.  And then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he texts her back. As if it’s just been half an hour. Rather than six weeks! She thinks about it. Wonders if she should text back. Then decides. Fine, I’ll text back. It’s not often that she really really enjoys a date.  It’s hard to find that rare spark that she experienced with him. She thinks, I’ll give him a second chance. They start texting. Smiley here. Wink there. Some additional emoticons. He says they’ll meet that Wednesday, but he’ll confirm on Tuesday. Tuesday 9am: no text. 11am: still nothing. Tuesday midnight: phone is still silent.  Wednesday rolls around and nothing. Then Thursday afternoon, he sends that apologetic text. He sends a work email, even though she has no idea how he’s found her address. Extra effort has been put in. He sends her a WhatsApp. (To be continued)

So, what is this all about?! I’m sorry, but I just think, if you’re not that into the person, then stop texting!  Don’t give them hope. Don’t lead them on. And don’t waste their time. There should be respect for everyone’s time. If you plan a date, you obviously have some sort of interest in the person. So go on the date. And fair enough, if you don’t like the person enough, then send that text saying you’ve had a great time, but unfortunately you don’t see things going further. Yes, it can hurt. And it doesn’t feel great to receive a text like that. But, at least, the other person can move on. They can move on to the next person who might rock their world!  With you on their mind, they might not be able to do that. And yes, it’s all on them. And they should be strong enough to just think, he or she is not worth my time. I should just forget about him or her. But remember, we’re all human. We have emotions. And sometimes it’s hard to cut people off.  So just do us all a favor. Stop texting if you’re just not that into them.


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