TCKDating

Third Culture Kid Dating; adults who have spent their developmental years outside their parent's culture

Making finding love a priority

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I know people who are amazing at their jobs. They’re getting promotion after promotion. And yet, they tell me they’re struggling in terms of their love life. They say that they just can’t find someone. That they would like a relationship but that it’s just not happening. I’ve also met people who have an amazing social life, tons going on. Plenty of great friends. Have tons of socials and birthdays and drinks on weekends. But again, saying they aren’t meeting the right guys. But they say they really do want a relationship.

First, I’d like to say that I am not an expert in this field. And I’m also not planning on trying to solve the age-old question of how people can find love. There are a million reasons why people find love and why some don’t at that point in time. It’s not as if it’s a mathematical equation. It’s a mixture between luck, drive, timing, connection, compatibility, chemistry and so many other things. Also, I can be a tad cynical so I think that even if people find love, it doesn’t mean it sticks around. I think if you take things for granted, they can leave without you realizing. Relationships and love take work. You can’t just sit back once you’ve found it.

What I do know is what I experienced myself. And you can decide if you feel it’s the same for you. When I was at university, my priority was achieving high marks. When I moved to London and started working at Bloomberg, my priority was my job and performing at work. Although I can pretend to say that friendships, social life, and my love life was a priority. I can strongly say today, looking back, that it definitely was not. My priority was being successful in my degree and then in my job.

Ironically, when I made a point of making dating a priority, suddenly, I could choose to go on a date every week. So, what changed? Well, first of all, my mindset. Maybe it was because I had proved myself at work, but I finally felt like I could move the love priority up on the list. And when I did that, I made time for it.

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I signed up to OkCupid. I said yes to all kinds of events. House parties whereby I only knew 1 person.  Networking events where I knew no one. I met plenty of new guys. I started inviting my friends to go out for drinks on girly nights out during the work week. We pushed ourselves to chat to the cute guys at the bar.  I realized my love life was just as important as my work life. I reached out to friends I hadn’t seen in a while on Facebook who I knew lived in London. We had drinks. I met more people through them. I went to a new salsa class. I made time for dates.  I was enjoying going on random adventures with my girlfriends, again making a point to meet new people. Basically reaching out. Making new friends. Ignoring those nerves, and just putting ourselves out there.  I was really enjoying being single, but I know that the reason I enjoyed it was that I was also going out on dates.  Even when I didn’t feel a spark, I thought, I met someone new. I discovered a new cocktail bar. I shared an experience with someone special.  I was really happy.  I had moved my love life up in the ranking of what was important to me. It was now at the same level as work.  There were no more excuses about time, having to do a load of laundry or cleaning the flat or doing that admin.  And this meant that I was getting back as much as I was putting in. I had some really unique dates in London with people from all kinds of different backgrounds. And exactly one year later, I found someone who made me believe in love.

If you want a relationship, have you made dating and meeting new people a priority?

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