Third Culture Kid Dating; adults who have spent their developmental years outside their parent's culture

So hard to meet a guy you find attractive AND interesting. That spark is rare!

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It’s incredibly hard to find a person with whom you can have fun with, someone you’re intensely attracted to, and someone who keeps you on your toes.  Some of my girl friends say that for them it’s so easy to meet guys they find interesting. For example, one of my close friends has met so many great guys that she has practically never been single, only a couple of months here or there between relationships. I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel that way at all! I don’t know if that’s really about being a TCK. I don’t think so.  Although, I do think, it might make it that bit harder.  You want someone who is open-minded because you have such a mix of cultures.  You want someone who won’t judge you for certain customs you have picked up.  And you want someone who’s not bland.  I think I’ve always been looking for someone intricate. Someone I won’t be bored with.  I just think it’s hard to meet someone who you can’t wait to kiss, someone you find intellectually stimulating and someone who can just make you laugh. 

There are times when you think: I’ve met an attractive guy who I have things in common with.  You go to a pub with your girlfriends.  You see a really attractive guy chatting to his friends.  You run into him at the bar when you’re getting your glass of red wine.  You start flirting with him. He flirts back.  And you start thinking: hm, maybe this could work; I’m definitely attracted to him.  By the end of the night, you’re thinking, why hasn’t he asked for my number? He’s interested because he’s still here flirting. He’s bought me drinks. And he’s leaning in.  He’s asking me about myself. He’s actually listening to my answers. So from Cosmo and Glamour, all of the queues are there!  When your friends decide to leave, you look up at him, expecting him to finally ask for your number, and that’s when he says “I have a girlfriend”.  Right – I should have expected it.  It’s funny that it doesn’t come up as a possibility in your head. I guess those guys intentionally appear to be single so that they can flirt with you.  While their girlfriend is out with her friends or at home knowing nothing of this. So incredibly frustrating.  You think it shouldn’t be allowed. You’ve wasted hours chatting to someone who’s not even available. Couldn’t they have just told you earlier? 

Then there are the situations whereby it’s a guy you’ve me at uni or through work.  You can always talk to them for hours.  You have tons in common.  He’s interesting.  He likes you. That’s for sure. He always wants to hang out and he’s asked you out on a date a couple of times. But even with all of that, you just don’t feel that spark. You’re not attracted to him. There’s nothing there. And on that random Sunday evening when you’ve had such a crazy heavy drinking weekend, you think, aw maybe there is something there. I’ll text him to see what he’s up to. And the moment he texts you back (literally 1 minute later); you think: what am I doing? I’m not into him. I’m feeling a bit tired, a bit hungover. I kind of need of bit of that attention.  But you just know there’s absolutely nothing there. No spark. No attraction.  You’re just kidding yourself in believing that just maybe there might be something there.

It’s incredibly hard to meet guys you’re attracted to and want to be with.  I don’t think it’s necessarily about being picky. I mean, yes, of course, I was never willing to settle. But I think it’s simply that we want to meet someone who we admire. Someone we can look up to. Someone we feel comfortable with (probably even more so as a TCK).  What do you think?  Do you constantly bump into guys you’re interested in? Or do you also find it’s hard work meeting interesting guys?


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