Third Culture Kid Dating; adults who have spent their developmental years outside their parent's culture

Dating as a Third Culture Kid. Would dating a TCK be the best option for you?


What do you think? I know that for friends or acquaintances, when I meet someone who has also moved around during their childhood, we straight away have a connection.  We can talk about the experience, the cities we’ve lived in, international schools, the lack of friends we are still in touch with, and all the rest!  I have to say it’s been quite rare for me to meet Third Culture Kid guys.  And on the rare occasion I have met TCK guys who could have been potentials for dates, and by that I mean attractive, my age, and charming…  Well, they were quite arrogant.  Ok, I am generalizing, and I have definitely not met enough TCK guys to even make a point of this. But that is only because those are the ones I’ve come across.

When I was in Boston, I would go to bars and pubs and meet American guys, mostly guys who had spent their whole life in Boston or Providence, and there would be either of two reactions. The first was a fascination for my background. They found it exotic, sexy, different, the unknown for them.  And to be honest, this is not that appealing, as we know, as TCKs that we don’t feel ‘exotic’; we are who we are, fair enough different but not ‘exotic’.  ‘Sexy’- well, that’s subjective ! And the second reaction is complete disinterest.  You know that look of ‘oh right’ and then the ‘turn around’. Too different. Not that cool. And I don’t want to make the effort to care.  Let’s be honest. That kind of guy might act like that with all girls, TCK or not.  But since I often had this reaction, I started feeling as if the two were connected.  What would you say? Do you feel the same way?  Do you get the same reaction when you answer their questions about where you’re from and they find out you’re a TCK?Image


4 thoughts on “Dating as a Third Culture Kid. Would dating a TCK be the best option for you?

  1. I could never date a non TCK again. My boyfriend is a TCK, and it was an instant click when we met. No awkward questions, no explaining oneself. You could just be. I loved it. He had me when he asked me where I was from and I said Sweden, and he didn’t even blink when the next thing he said was simply ok where from sweden? Amazing.

    • Haha, I can imagine Stina! It can be so lovely not to have to explain anything. To not have to answer a million and one questions. And simply be understood for who you are. Also to not be seen as strange or eclectic, just normal! Sounds like you found a great partner to share new memories with.

  2. The man I’m currently dating doesn’t have a passport! I really don’t understand this – he hitchhiked across Europe as a college kid, but says that now he has no desire to go abroad.

    • Robin, it’s funny that you bring that up about the books. I found that my mom constantly had to ask ‘do you guys still want these books?’, and we were so sick of it (my sister, my brother and I). She asked every couple of years as of course that was when we were moving to a new place. And understandably, she wanted to give some away to make the move easier for her and my dad! But to us, it just seemed like a nuisance.

      Regarding the man you are currently dating, does it bother you that he does not want to travel anymore? Is that something that is important to you? I know that for me it fluctuates. Sometimes, all I want to do is get on a flight and visit a new place or even live in a place! And then other times, I realize I am so happy where I am now, and I was a bit done with all the traveling (done over the first 20 or so years of my life). So I’m really torn. Is this something you have brought up with him?

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